This is the fourth attempt at a video of a song I wrote a few years ago, "Chemical". This evening I headed out to the barn to set up a spot to play with making videos. Videos are tough. It's scary to see yourself there, so exposed. The ego tends to run away when you watch yourself on the screen. I think it's safe to say that it has a way of bringing up any physical insecurity you might have- at least, it does for me.
BUT. I am determined to share more with you this year. I am recovering my love of writing and creating, and working on integrating education and performance. I would like to share something from this process EVERY DAY. Maybe it's crazy, or unrealistic. But it feels so good to commit to exploring my thoughts and feelings and articulating them at a level I can share with my community on a daily basis. It's the same propulsion that drives my songwriting, and I'm excited to explore and broaden the ways in which I express.
So- here it is. This song usually calls to me when I head up to the "music barn" on my family property, because I wrote it there a few years ago. I was losing the light- as you'll see in the video- and the pressure kept getting to me, distracting me and causing me to forget the lyrics. I often tell students that making a recording of your song- even a voice memo on your phone- is a good way to start the process of confronting fear and nervousness about sharing your voice. How do I know? Because I struggle with that fear, and nerves, every time. Like we all do. But- the sharing is more important than the fear, because it provides opportunities for healing, for strong relationships, connecting with community, bringing together people in a collective experience, for exploring the shadow self, and bringing the darkness out into the light to be acknowledged and transformed. So we don't feel so alone. So we can feel joy in connection. And that's more important than insecurity. So- here you are.
By Alison Harris
(I learned this technique for writing lyrics from songwriter Tim Bluhm, who shared that he checks the integrity of lyrics by writing them out in prose form, with punctuation. It's an interesting way to test out the structure of what you are trying to say)
"You flew away, freeing my heart. I finally know- it isn't the start of something beautiful. Oh what a love, oh what a day! Baby to think I was willing to give it all away. We'll meet again, high as the stars. When you're fighting to win, the need for a victory is Chemical. I fought for your heart, I fell down with ease. Scraped up my elbows and tore up my knees. Oh what a love- oh what a night! If you're trying to find me, I'll be in the last dream on the right. Someday you'll say- Give me the key. When the lock has been rusted away, and your heart gives in to Gravity. I don't know what it is about you, I just can't get enough of the view! Fell so hard- I've got proof in the scars. This love is adrenaline, it's Chemical." - Alison Harris, 2015
Alison is a Musician, Writer, Teacher and Mother. She lives in rural Sonoma County with her daughter, Ella.